All Consuming Feelings

PRE-WARNING – this post will be waffle about feelings, which I don’t usually talk about but desperate times call for desperate measures.

So of course there’s a boy.. for the best part of 3-4 years he has fully consumed me and all the feelings that I could possibly imagine having.

For 3-4 years we’ve been ‘friends’ but not the normal friends you have, there has always been more there but it hasn’t been admitted on either part, until recently. For the first time I heard how he felt about me about a month or 2 ago, of which by then I’d given up.. or at least that’s the front I put on to him everyone and myself.

I went on a little break to Marrakech a couple of weeks ago, whilst there I had a lot of thinking time as you can imagine. I decided that the best way for us to resolve all our issues was to stop holding back and jump in with 2 feet and see what happens. I came back ready to tell him this however after being with him for a little while, started to get a different vibe from him and held back – kicking myself for it now.  Note to future self: grow a pair and do it.

Any way more to the point, now we aren’t even talking, I told him my theory on jumping in, via text, I know cringing hell, but I had to get it out and we don’t actually see one another very often. As you can see this is a big mess from start to present. Complicated, unnecessary, all consuming mess.  For any Gossip Girl fans out there, we’ve been compared to Chuck and Blair on more than one occasion.Which leads me to the question….

What do you when something that consumes ALL of you and makes you feel in ways you didn’t believe you had the heart and capacity to do, is stuck in a place you physically can’t get it out of? Do you walk away and believe that what is meant to be will find a way of coming back to you, or stay and fight? Even if you start to look like a bit of a psycho by the end of it…

All feedback welcome if you did read this and get to the end without fall asleep or scrolling on by.

Chels

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